When I was obese I used to think of what my ‘Super power’ would be, if I had one. I realized after giving it some thought that I had one- I was ‘Invisible-Man’. So many times through my life I felt like I was invisible, no one saw me for who I was inside- hardly anyone would look me in the eyes when they talked to me. Going out in public to shop or eat out was a very stressful thing. There were sometimes when I went out without my super power armed and there were times when people looked at me there was a look of pity, mixed with a look of disgust…then they would quickly look away as my ‘invisibility’ took over. Looking back at it & reading my old journal entries, it was a self defense mechanism. I was not ready to accept the truth that I needed to change. So I continued doing my best to be invisible, sometimes being harder than others.
When I flatlined in 2010 I had to have an emergency surgery to bust the blood clots in my lungs- while I was awake. I lied on that table, my layers of fat taped up over my shoulders, there was no invisible power…only the harsh reality of what I had done to myself. That ‘invisible-man’ power that I so often resorted too, was nothing more than denial. As I looked up at the mirrored light above me while they went in through my groin and awaiting their orders to hold my breath etc I knew for sure that if I made it through things were going to change. My biggest regret is that it took me such an extreme moment to wake up.
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